there's a light at each end of this tunnel

As far as my memory stretches, i remember getting excited whenever i felt a tooth loosen. i'd wiggle it back and forth with my tongue to expedite the process of the tooth falling out. when it did, i'd wrap it in cotton and carefully placed it under my pillow. just like magic, when i wake up the next morning the tooth is gone and is replaced by a gift of some sort.
'oh, it looks like the tooth fairy paid you a visit while you were sleeping,' my mum would say. and in that moment, i felt salient that the tooth fairy came to me especially (of course it was mummy who put that RM10 under my pillow). at 5 years old, you believe that sort of thing. you believed anything your parents told you.

retracting back on my thoughts of religion i foolishly drew convenience as a spiritual compass. essentially, this is a field where i'm clueless in every sense of the word. i wasn't brought up in a pious environment and was schooled in a private institution that paid no attention to religious footing. at 21, i'd like to believe i'm psycologically cultivated and officially legal. basically just old enough to make whole, informed decisions. it's time to stop putting the blame on others and take charge of the path i want to undertake, to know the mistakes i make from now on are my own.

i'd define religion as a method of appreciating your creator. it's those extra steps you take to convey your faith and gratitude. this subjective idea comes with no scientific formula in which to perform or attest to.

i believe in a greater good and thus i believe in the religion i was born into.
if you say that you believe something is to be true, you might mean one of 2 things -
that you are still weighing the alternatives or that you accept it as a fact. i don't logically see how one single word can have contradictory definitions, but emotionally, i fully understand because there are times i think what i'm doing is right, and there are other times i second-guess myself every step of the way.

ultimately, i'm ready to sumbit . i want to take those extra steps. i am not conforming to the masses but rather, see it as a necessity to convey my commitment to God.
the little girl in me still believes what my parents say. they're my spiritual compass and now, so is the leading male in my life. for them to believe in me, when i don't even believe in myself, is proof that there is a greater force driving this temporary presence that's not always filled with tooth fairies.

happy fasting everyone.