an epiphany

ever so often we discover the answers to the questions we've long asked ourselves at the most familiar of surroundings. like the pink elephant in the room no one acknowledges for the bliss that ignorance provides, we've nullified our senses silly because it's too cliched to say what you feel anymore. feeling is so passe, it's all about being blase today.
in the zeitgeist of digital everything, it's a rat race to obtain the 'ker-ching' to purchase material goods which equal to satisfaction thus missing out on the sentimental value of a simple conversation over a cup of starbucks, without wait, checking if there's wi-fi on my iphone. then there's the group of 6 or more who gather, and gather they do for the cortege; but the large lcd screen showing meaningful(-less) football matters more to me than these faces i've known all my life. but while we're on the topic, lets be extravagant - you know, like fly a man to space but mix paper, glass and plastic with food waste in one bag - and chat about people we'll never meet whilst dismissing the thoughts of our neighbor.
oh and lets whistle and hoot at every living thing that hosts a decent looking face, cleavage and an ass to boot but for the life of you, do not tell your partner they're worth it. YOU are waaaay beyond yourself if YOU think we spend more than 2 seconds thinking about YOU. i mean, duh, we're together -boyfriend & girlfriend la, isn't that LIKE enough? iheartme and only me. criticize everything - the dressing, the speech, the lifestyle. and then have a maximum of 45 seconds conversation on the phone. YOU should be thankful we even call, we never did that in previous engagements. it's not like we don't see each other everyday. don't waste 'ker-ching' on phone bills over pointless conversations. we're saving up to buy a ferrari to pump up the inflatable ego. we say, learn to be grateful for what YOU have. stop asking for so much, SO demanding.
there's no time to think about the mental state of joy, or what brings us joy. memories are now stored in 80Gb hard drives, don't waste our 3lbs of gray matter and/or pumping organ on things like emotions. peer pressure. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. i want, now, NOW. banish those happy endings Disney thought you while you were growing up. don't kid yourself with idealism. this is reality, we got to survive. hustle. stop imagining the rainbows and butterflies. save it for your 4 year old niece.
be hard, be tough, be a man. keep up with the i's okay? it's all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. purchase iRobot at your nearest electronic warehouse, 50% off whilst stocks last!
i honor the day when your spirit and mine become one.


i say we as i, us as me, everyone is myself in hopes that i'm not the only one who has these thoughts.

to do list

in november, i intend to:

Eat: donuts! since the emergence of J.CO & Big Apple, i've (unwillingly) jumped on the '45-minute-long-queue-to-royal-
cellulite-build-up' bandwagon

Wear: pretty shoes. there's just such pleasure at looking down at your feet and seeing something fabulous, especially at a particularly dull meeting. superficial, i know

Shop: only essentials like toiletries. and maybe, just maybe...another pair of shoes?

Watch: stardust. i've heard such rave reviews about it. can't wait!

Read: Deluxe by Dana Thomas

Listen: Continuum by John Mayer

Party: i should change this to social as i don't party in the conventional sense anymore. sooo...

Social: visiting the final leg of raya open-houses, since syawal's ending soon and hopefully get to catch up with the girls over tea one weekend.

Sports: running errands for 'Captains'

the morning after

it's officially my first day being a 22-year old (the actual birthday date is not counted) and the verdict is: thumbs down.

my birthday itself was actually, surprisingly, fabulous. i celebrated it over an intimate dinner with my other half at a hidden treasure located at cyberjaya. the food was delish, company was one in a million & absolutely irreplaceable and to top it off there was cake! u know the world is at your finger tips whenever there's cake involved.
gifts wrapped up in a blue box with a white ribbon doesn't hurt either ;)
its surprising too, when u receive wishes from people u never thought u would. thank you to all of you who made my birthday that much more memorable with your warm wishes. it means the world to me xo

come 1st november i'm yanked (very harshly) back into the real world. funny thing is, i can confidently say that this is the 1st year in a long time that i didn't have my head above the clouds closing in to the 31st. u tend to expect less when you grow older and so, the yank was uncalled for. yet today, a fluffed up aggravated gray cloud shadows over me.

my only wish this year is this; for people to understand that i am aloof by nature. so do not be offended. despite my lack of response when talked to, a million thoughts parade through my mind. i am listening, i understand, i empathize but i cannot demonstrate it. and when i'm really ticked off, i get by, by being passive-aggressive. you won't catch me shouting profanity aloud. i'd seal my lips until the irritation blows over and by doing so, i know that i come off rude, egotistic and indifferent. it's my route to avoid saying things i'd regret later.
on the contrary, my insides feel as though they're being torn apart - tortured to a slow and painful death. dramatic right? i try to find the closest depiction to describe what people can't see.

scalpel my spleens with sweet temper; and i'll never let you go.