Sunday, January 27, 2008

when life comes full circle

in the wake of a beloved uncle's passing, my heart and prayers goes out to his wife, 3 children, mother, 4 brothers & 5 sisters in this difficult time.

diagnosed with myeloma cancer late 2006 which shook the core of our family's blessedness, we never could have anticipated and prepared ourselves enough for something of this measure.
it is with His grace and compassion that we submit to his return to the Almighty, where we can only pray that his suffering has ceased, and his soul can finally be at peace.

we were so fortunate to have you for as long as we did & you will never leave our thoughts.



Wednesday, January 23, 2008

it's a wonderful world, right?

anyone who knows me, would know how much i love james morrison. he's got unprecedented talent in writing music & lyrics that rise above the junk on today's top40 countdowns.
'you give me something' has been my mobile's caller ringtone for zain for over a year now for so many reasons; aside from the fact, that i am obsessed with him [james, :)]
it's through him [zain] that i discovered james morrison, in late 2006 over msn, back in perth when he sent me the mp3 file for 'you give me something'. i've been hooked ever since [on both of them].
anyway, this blog was the result of me trying to fight my inner demons by writing out my often insignificant (against the grander scheme of things) ramblings.
and since i'm again, dwelling in one of my unexplainable moods, i realize just how poignant the words to 'wonderful world' is to, well, me, as a whole.




Lyrics to 'Wonderful World'

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

Friday, January 18, 2008

i want to be left alone

within the trenches of primitive vulnerability, it's so easy to get lost in a problem that seems so big at the time.
it's no coincidence then, that a quintessential accident prone and equally yielding type is just a hop, skip & a slip away from falling into that wretched depressing ditch: exhibit A, my friends, is yours truly.
behold the curse of the lass who builds castles in the air, complete with a stead knight in shining armor who whisks her upon his gallant stallion and together ride off to the hills of happily ever after.
but knights belong to their brotherhood, their kingdoms and the common villagers. he took the vow to protect his state, carpe diem style and thus puts his best foot forward to fight for his men.
when you dip your hand in the fire, you get what you're asking for.

i'm writing nonsense. from from trenches, to medieval ideals, to fire. i'm not in a cohesive state of mind apparently.
yeah, that definitely sums it up.

p/s: vast observation will lead you to the conclusion that whatever remains when you have eliminated the impossible, is the truth.


Monday, January 14, 2008

pictures

post holiday recovery mode.
i'm letting go, starting now.


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singapore by day...

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singapore by night...

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aggresively passive (and no, it's not the same as being passive aggressive)

it pretty much sums up my un-progressive, backward jaunt down the corporate ladder when someone says, quote 'i can see that you're slacking off in your work'. drive over me, highspeed with a bulldozer while you're at it. yes, that's how it feels when someone you think so highly of does not share the sentiment.
my only defense is: i have close to nothing to work on. right now, whilst so much is pending from the clients all i can do is wait.
a typical workday, when there's no shoot, goes like this: get to the office, check e-mails, reply e-mails, make necessary phone calls to clients, clients idiotically fail to give an affirmative response...and then i pretend to find something to do, although there is none. once in awhile, i write scripts or official letters. but that's only 1 script per episode, and there are 13 altogether. we've started on this program since october, and have thus filmed 7 eps. a snail would've crossed the finish line by time we get around the first bend. right now we're at a standstill because 4 companies have yet to decide whether they want to feature their MD/CEO on the program. so we wait. and i feel like sticking needles in my eyeballs because there's only so many times i can check my mails, facebook & read my favorite blogs on the internet. i am an impatient person, and that's putting it lightly. i honor the value of time. i HATE people who are late - piercing daggers through your chest kind of hate. i don't understand why people cannot commit to an appointment they so readily suggest. ANYWAY, all the this time, i pretend to work & try to look busy - i avoid websites with too many pictures incase someone passes behind me and catches me reading, say, pinkisthenewblog. tick tick, i check the clock after what seems like forever and only 5 minutes have passed (sometimes 2!). when it's finally 6pm, and i can officially go off, i wait another 15 minutes just so i don't come off too eager (and the fact that everyone is still busily typing away on their keyboards just adds up to the guilt). apart from me dawdling on the net, there are instances when i ask colleagues working on other programs if they need a helping hand, but of course everyone's too polite to take me up on the offer.

my current disposition leaves me in a career rut. i'm not doing anything productive, i'm not contributing and neither am i learning & experiencing anything which could level me up to a place i see myself 5 years from now. this place doesn't do it for me, and production's just not my forte. unfortunately, i've got to suck it up and deal with my too often poor judgement in making choices, until april when the contract expires.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

a sorta fairytale

i'm suffering from post-holiday blues. blah. and so i'm writing this post to bring myself back, even if it's just in my head, for the next half hour or so to re-live the jubilee of the last couple of days.
Singapore was super fun despite its occasional metaphoric pebble in my shoe. it was a trip worthwhile. satisfying, fun, emotional (i think this part's just reserved for me), lively, entertaining, refreshing, sweet and way too short.

we took off around 9 am on sunday, but not without having to drive around through tmn tun, hartamas, the curve, one utama & centerpoint (in that order) to change our RMs to S$. during that ride around town already we got restless and made jokes about staying back for drinks at rasta & whether we should catch a movie at cineleisure instead. finally, at 10am, we 7 anticipated twentysomethings embarked on our road trip to the lion city.

fast forward to about 4pm, we arrived and checked in to holiday inn, quickly freshened up and headed to Orchard Rd to begin what would become a consuming 3-day shopping spree. no one held back in their purchases, and boy, did everyone shop their hearts out. especially the guys, more so than their female counterparts. i have no idea why guys make such a fuss about girls shopping, when evidently, they're just as addicted to it as we are! nonetheless, it became our cardinal activity & highlight of the trip. later on, raline met up with us for coffee before we headed off to newton for mouthwatering-fit-for-a-king seafood fete. everyone left 10 pounds heavier and with a hole in our pockets (a total sum of S$424 less than when we arrived). oh, and i managed to leave behind the toiletries i bought from watsons at coffeebean, and had to buy a second batch after that. random, but significant to this tale.
after dinner, we headed back to the hotel, prettied up and took a cab over to clarke quay. it was a relatively hushed night (it was sunday, and people were most probably holding back the festivities for new years, which was the following night). still, we made the best of it. ayu & amri even went on the sling shot ride and it was exciting just to watch them fly up the air. the guys then craved shisha, but marrakesh was already closing up so we headed to arab st with zain's brother and well, everything else from then on wasn't worth remembering. though, some good did come out of the little, no, actually large dispute. let's skip the details, but on the plus side, it took a huge weight off my shoulders to clear up stuff that bothered me which i had conveniently shoved to the back of my mind, hoping it would get better with time. it never works that way. these things have a way of coming out to bombard you in the least likely of circumstance, in this case on our VACATION, which needed everything but drama. best part though was when we kissed and made up.
and so the bustling day, which began at 7am dawned on me at approx. 4.30 am when i finally got some shut eye.


day 2 kicked off at around 10 am, and really the only thing that got me out of that bed was the thought of seeing shoes. everyone dressed in our comfiest summer outfits of sun-dresses, shorts, t-shirts & flip-flops. we checked out of holiday inn and headed to relc (it's a learning center housing building, so u can imagine how the rooms were - boarding school stay like, though, thankfully enough, clean. by then, we were all ravishing for a warm meal to fill our tummies and the answer to that was(and the guys tagline of the trip was, tulah jawapanya. go figure) ayam penyet @ lucky plaza. so so delish.
mohsin joined us again, as did raline and her brother. later on, when we got to far east plaza, zain's friend munir joined us, and then wahab arrived from KL (in 2 1/2 hours!), and not to forget, syaheed, as the final addition to the already large group. phew. so yeahh, aaay-lot of catching up took place. the guys went crazy shopping at far east, buying heaps of vintage T-shirts (junkfood etc.), shoes and shorts. how nice to the softer side of them come out
when on holiday, there is still hope after all, lol. okay so, in the midst of shopping, the guys found this little british eatery which serves fried mars bars. hello cholesterol multiplied by a gazillion calories. you have my word though, the first bite itself was to die for. after a spot of shopping, we stopped over at modestos, forum for drinks. twenty minutes into that, i got restless and was itching to shop again since i hadn't seen any shoes of my taste and really, i got bored as my boyfriend started the 'music/audio talk' with syaheed (honestly, i love the fact that he's passionate about his music, and i fully support it but i only had shoes on my mind at that point). fortunately, i wasn't the only one. ayu and via agreed to shop some more, so we left the boys and walked back to wisma atria, straight into charles and keith. hallelujah. i managed to snap 3 pairs (pink ballet flats with diamontes, preppy oxford peep toe heels & chocolate peep toe wedges) for myself and would've gotten more if the place weren't infested with other shopaholics high on a shoe binging. already the guys were getting impatient, and were slumped on the floors outside of muji, surrounded by heaps of shopping bags when we reunited back with them. dang, i should've taken a picture of it.

sup tulang over at beach rd was on the menu for new year's eve and since we took 2 seperate cabs; via, fad, zain & i got there first as the others went back to the hotel to drop off wahab's car.
all of them feasted on 'bloody' good sup tulang while i munched on a pathetic piece of roti john. such is the low life of a person forced to go on a lamb/mutton-free diet. an hour later, the rest still hadn't turned up. turns out, they got lost and were stranded wandering the streets on the other end of beach rd. their cab driver didn't know where the famous sup tulang spot was, weird, since people here in KL rave about it all the time. in order to make the most of what time we had left, we decided to head back to the hotel and freshen up first (we only had 2 bathrooms, and no hair dryer!) while they started on dinner. shahir got a little iffy at zain with this decision. in his opinion, the lost group should've had their dinner at wherever it was they were lost at instead of foolishly walking for miles and, to add insult to injury, leave when they got there. the two made up at the hotel though. another kodak moment that i failed to snap on.

by 11.15pm, the guys were in shirts, girls in dresses, except me because i couldn't find a decent dress on our shopping excursion earlier that day - and this was precisely the moment i realised i had left my favorite aigner waist belt at holiday inn. i really wanted to knock my head against the wall for being so incredibly careless. this, i can tell in advance, won't be the last time i leave something behind on the trip.

frustrations aside, we hailed a cab to take us to clarke quay. the initial plan was to celebrate new year's at sentosa island but as we had lost track of time, had to settle with somewhere within distance of our hotel. we made it in time at the central court of clarke quay where a stage was set up, and where the festivities were concentrated at, just 10 minutes short of midnight.
the countdown was a hyped up 10 secs (which i was willing to give into), followed by bob sinclair's love generation. oh, memories of sunny, lazy beach afternoons in perth! i tried not to get sentimental and continued to enjoy the celebrations of the present moment, which wasn't too difficult, since everyone was so happy it was 08. after the countdown, we decided to carry the party forward to ministry of sound. bad move since it was chaotic-ally packed. we could barely move or find space to dance (not that i danced, but for the others), and most of all, the humidity can frizz the living daylights of Beethoven's fur, noted, it was difficult to get a whiff of fresh air without sniffing into the BO of some hoi polloi who didn't bothered to slick on deodorant, at least for new year's. let's add that to the list of resolutions for '08 shall we? tsk!
less than an hour and a half of scurrying through the various rooms installed in the legendary MOS (there was this cab driver that suggested we check out Ministry of Sound, MOe for a guaranteed fun. he guaranteed us a laughing good time alright!) - the main hall hosted godskitchen, whilst retro and trance were playing upstairs and R&B downstairs, we decided, as we should've right from the start, we were simply not the clubbing type, and left to take a breather by the quay. there, we met up with mohsin again and got supper at lotus grill which consisted of drinks, crepe and french fries. by then, my eyes felt like 5kg steel weights. it took us about an hour after supper to get back to the hotel as getting a cab was similar to finding a needle in a haystack. my cell phone displayed 5am before i managed to escape to la-la land.

final day :(
it took effort to get out of bed. my head was still heavy, i was beyond comfortable under the sheets and i didn't want to face the realities of KL (work). still, i convinced myself we had much time left for last minute shopping, soaked up the last few hours like a sponge. after checking out of relc at 12pm we ate nasi padang @ wisma atria before stopping by borders to pick up magazines and later, to far east plaza again. it was the boys who were overly eager to buy more t-shirts & shorts, although i did take the opportunity to purchase a few extra stuff for myself as too. like a cherry tops the sundae we relished in another round of fried mars bars before calling it a day and take the long journey home.

two other things to note about this holiday - 1) at the singapore immigration, i could not find my white card.
2) when i arrived home and decided to take a shower, i could not find my redken shampoo and conditioner i brought on the trip. i left it @ relc.
i really deserve a knock on the head.

til the next holiday entry, adieu.